I've been having a reality crisis lately... wondering what exactly I'm doing in the reality I've chosen to live in. Numerous signs have been telling me to change, to jump - out of one reality and into a slightly different one. The problem is that I love to have things spelled out for me, and I dislike being in unfamiliar turf. Even though there are aspects of my current life that I can't stand, I haven't made the jump, and I wanted to know how to proceed.

So, I did a rather unconventional and self-prepared reading to give me an idea of what I'm up against. I decided to approach it as a series of goals and sub-goals. Each card would represent a task, or an issue (or aspect of a larger issue) to be dealt with on the way to achieving a long-term goal. Arbitrarily, I broke it down into one long-term goal, three short-term goals, and three aspects for each short-term goal. I figured that would give me a well-rounded enough idea of what exactly I wanted to accomplish, and what changes I wanted to affect in my personality and environment.

The long-term goal is at the top-center; short-term goals are connected to it, and each goal's aspects are connected (and blended in meaning) in turn.

Quoted text is from learntarot.com's lists of card interpretations, because I like them.



THE ROOT
Strength (Reversed)
Decreased emphasis on passive manipulation or exertion of quiet force. This is arguably the key to magic as well; many who write about magic talk about "clearing your head", to remove the desire for change and simply allow the change to occur.


First branch
1: Queen of Swords
"In readings, the Queen of Swords asks you to think and feel as she does. For example: Are you being completely honest? (Check this one first!) Do you see the humor in the situation? Are you getting right to the point? Have you figured out what's really going on? Are you letting yourself be fooled?"

1a: Empress (Reversed)
Generally, less independence and self-reliance.

1b: High Priestess
Generally, more intuition and inner guidance. (This is not necessarily mutually exclusive with the Empress' meaning.)

1c: Justice
Being honest and truthful, and creating an environment full of the same.

1d: Overall
Truth has to come from within before it can be perceived around you. Fostering truth in yourself and others can lead to an environment that fosters trust. If I am still working with the idea of the tribe (and I am), then trust is most certainly one of the key factors. Be truthful in all dealings, with yourself and others, and your heart and mind will be as one.


Second Branch
2: King of Swords
"The personality of the King of Swords is a combination of the positive air energy of the Swords suit and the outward focus of a King. He is a man of intellect who can absorb and work with information of all kinds. As a master of reason and logic, he analyzes any problem with ease. He can work out solutions quickly and explain them lucidly to others. In a chaotic situation, he cuts through the confusion and provides the clarity needed to move forward. Others seek him out to present their case as he speaks with eloquence and insight. He is always truthful and can be relied on to handle any situation fairly and honorably. When a judgment is called for, he can render an impartial but just decision. He is incorruptible and lives by the highest ethical standards. He encourages those around him to do the same, and they often live up to his expectations.

In readings, the King of Swords asks you to take the kinds of actions he might take. For example: telling the truth, thinking up a solution, communicating well, or judging fairly. This King can also represent a man or woman who is acting as he does, or an atmosphere of reason, honesty and high standards. In a reading, he tells you that his special energy has meaning for you at this time. Let yourself be inspired by this King in whatever form he appears in your life."

2a: Page of Cups (Reversed)
A decreased emphasis on childlike emotion and intuition? Or, perhaps, an illusion of real emotion/intuition?

2b: Ten of Wands
Address issues of overwork, overexertion, or overemphasis on this aspect of self. If you're going to overwork yourself on anything, make sure it's something you actually do need in order to complete this course.

2c: Temperance
Balance in everything!

2d: Overall
It looks like these three cards are saying that, in order to address the King of Swords as an aspect of myself, you have to balance it with the rest of the self. My recent enlightenment has given me some great insight, but it's very easy to allow myself to swing from one extreme to the other; I need to incorporate this new aspect, rather than becoming it.


3: Wheel of Fortune (Reversed)
A decreased sense of destiny? Ability to alter the ol' reality-tunnel? Controlling the chaos, perhaps?

3a: Page of Wands
Fostering of creativity, confidence, and courage.

3b: The Moon (Reversed)
Be less fearful, perhaps less fearful of (or susceptible to) illusion.

3c: Knight of Wands (Reversed)
Similar to the Page, but with far less of an accent on the adolescent extremes of it.

3d: Overall
The trick to being in tune with the future, it seems, is to see with the eyes of a curious child. In a sense, nothing is real, which means that I have nothing (logically) to fear. When you realize that everything is an illusion, and can operate your world from that mindset, more possibilities seem feasible with less fear and hesitation. This looks like the key to mastering the Wheel.


Long Term Goals:
When I can be completely honest with myself (1), take actions that reflect that truth (2), and have faith in my ability to take my life in a new direction (3), then I can begin to trust in the strength of the tribe. Perhaps?

I've been toying with the idea of crafting a set of divination cards out of common household items my old Illuminati: New World Order cards. Not quite I:NWO Tarot, but a similar concept. Since the structure of the card base is different, it wouldn't necessarily have major arcana or suits or anything like that (though the 12 Illuminati themselves, if I can find them all in my collection, would do a decent enough job of emulating a small major arcana).

The idea is an experiment. The essential hypothesis was based on my findings with the animal medicine cards, which also appear to have a structure not entirely similar to standard tarot; there are 44 cards, and each one represents a different animal symbol, which carries its own story, symbolism and set of teachings. The theory is that, with enough work, I could find new meanings in some of the concepts depicted in the game cards that could be applied to a tarot-style reading, and with enough work, I could build a personal and unique deck of the stuff.

I haven't been at it for very long, and I suspect there is a decent chunk of my collection that has gone missing. I may end up replacing my Subgenius set, and maybe even grabbing a new One With Everything set, just for this. Of course, that will cost me more than a standard tarot deck, but that's not the point of the exercise, is it?

While "playtesting", I decided to see if I could pull a card and figure out how it related to my current puzzles. I've been bogged down in my work in the mundane lately, and wanted to get back into the whole High Weirdness thing some more. The card I drew was "Alternate Goals". In the context of the game, there are Goal cards which modify the conditions which allow you to win the game. Normally you can only have one Goal card in your hand at a time. Alternate Goals lets you have two. The concept of a "plan B" could also be defined as a change of perspective, which could loosely apply.

To clarify exactly how I could go about this change of perspective, I decided to draw another card. I drew "The Discordian Society", and laughed my ass off. Thus, I was enlightened.